Vomit. Gag. Vehement defiance. Ugh.
I know this might seem like a rather strong response to such a sweet question, but I guess I have the same response to this as the age-old: "Aw, you got sober so young! Now you have the rest of your life ahead of you! That's so wonderful! You're so lucky!" Yeah, I get it. It's fabulous. She's amazing. There will never be another day quite like this one. But some days, honestly, thank God.
Let's start at the beginning. Nealie was born on June 29th at 10:46 am, after 6 hours of rather rushed labor. She arrived exactly one month ahead of schedule and was delivered right into the arms of one of the most neurotic mamas I know. We were stoked to be granted permission to take her home the next day and were blessed to have my mama who has a ridiculous amount of baby knowledge under her acutely accessorized belt. Everything was scary, from showers to feedings to sleeping to peeing... I simply followed the lead of the hand and voice of experience.
I spent much of my time wondering if she knew who I was or if she even recognized me. It seemed unimportant who held her and I only felt important because I was the "milk-machine." I yearned for the day when she would reach for me and say, "Mama!" She slept all the time and I couldn't wait for her to play with me. I dreamed of the day that she entertained her dad and I wanted to watch his eyes light up when he told me about what they did together.
She got a little older and she started to recognize me, somewhat. I couldn't wait for her to sit up on her own rather than constantly being propped up against the couch. I wanted her to eat real foods and spit them out or thoughtfully show enjoyment.
She continued to grow and she began playing more during tummy time. She started to use noises to communicate with me and I began to pinpoint the meanings of some of them. She ate solid foods and enjoyed most of them. She played in her johnny-jump-up and smiled. I couldn't wait for her to crawl to me, I still anticipated the moment when she would say my name and smile.
Which, slowly but surely brings us to now. She crawls everywhere, often chasing me or the cat, she pulls up on everything and surfs from us to the couch to the coffee table... She climbs everything and is currently in the search for an escape route up and out of her crib. She eats everything with a plethera of responses from pleasure to disgust, and she illustrates her feelings by clapping or flailing. She cries out "MaMaMaMa," but nothing discriminate and definitely nothing with a smile. I dream of the days that she will walk to me and talk in sentences and stay awake for more than a couple of hours. Although I do enjoy the connection that breastfeeding has brought, I can't wait to wean! And if she'd just stick to sleeping through the night...
My point is this: I adore Nealie but I wouldn't I have wanted to exhaust myself through these moments more than once. I am grateful to be where I am today with my amazing, growing girl and I look forward to future events -- those are my favorite!
