Nealie. Separation anxiety? Teething? Intense. We've had a lot of excitement around here and I know that I probably have a bit to do with the anxiety. School starts next week and I can't wait. I know that I should feel content just raising Nealie, but I crave more. For some reason, I don't feel like I'm contributing if I'm not working, and no matter how many times you tell me that motherhood is more than a fulltime job, I still feel like I'm not bringing a whole lot to the table. So I'm stoked for school to start.
Then, a few of my mommy friends are pregnant with their second's. Others are looking at the possibility. I am not. We've been all over the fence regarding this one but the facts are clear: the husband had a vasectomy, so unless there is some kind of crazy act of GOD, there will be NO number 2. My feelings of sadness are more related to feeling left out of the future conversations with my mommy friends, fears of them "outgrowing me and my crazy OLDER KID." But I don't take these ladies home and, at the end of the day, I'm grateful that we just have our one. We look forward to traveling with her, being able to put her in any extracirricular classes that she desires to try, and really being able to feel like we've given her everything we can.
We also are on the five-year plan. If you haven't heard of this yet, this might make you giggle, as I have not EVER been able to stick to any timeline (for example, I was supposed to start trying to get pregnant in December and actually did in October!). Our five-year plan consists of me going to school and being with Nealie. It does mean that I have to stay in an apartment that (*sigh*) doesn't allow dogs or any other pets, aside from Meeshka the wonder cat, but overall, it's a pretty sweet deal.
The point is that our five-year plan DOES NOT include multiple children. We financially can squeak by with ONE. And I am grateful to be given this opportunity, which many women would give anything for -- I get to spend Nealie's first five years totally nurturing and loving her, aside from the homework load!
I know this is more for me than it is for you today. It's all about the ongoing journey of feeling comfortable with where I am, in my own skin. Thanks for being my sounding board. :)
3 comments:
Nealie and Lily will always be the same age. That will mean we'll always have a special bond!
Exactly. I agree with Alison. No matter how many little extra kidlets fill the lives of your buds there will always be a connection. I promise not to outgrow you or bore you with prego talk. :) I never want you to feel left behind.
You have a plan whereas I fly through life by the seat of my pants (I guess the military has taught us that). So congrats on your stick-to-it-ness! Oooo and good luck with school next week!!!!!
We could never outgrow you and your precious, vivacious Nealie! Life is full of hard choices, especially when it comes to having kids. But I'm sure you will have plenty of moments when you think, "I'm so glad I have just one." Especially when you see the rest of us pulling our hair out down the road!
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