So I figured it was inevitable that Nealie would have pretty expressive feelings. I mean, seriously, look at her source(s). To this day, my mom still tells me, "Danica, your emotions are beautiful." So when Nealie throws a full-blown temper tantrum because I won't let her walk down the center of the street (oh, it's happened) or thrown herself onto the ground because I won't let her walk in some places without holding my hand, I just sigh and try to stay calm. It's hard. REALLY HARD.
What can you do? This tiny person that has all these emotions and such an undefined vocabulary -- it just seems unfair. Although at this point, I'm not sure I'd want to hear what she's calling me, because it definitely doesn't sound like Mama. I've been struggling with what to do during these blowouts, other than hold her so she doesn't hurt herself or just let her thrash it out. The fact is that regardless of what I do, we are dealing with two emotional people here.
And what's worse, Nealie can be a bit of a bully. Being the smallest kid in her school (she recently started daycare at UCCS Family Development Center) has not at all phased her. Usually, the other kids call the "littler kids" baby. But Nealie is fearless and perhaps fearable, so no one considers her "little." At school, I figure it's the teacher's job to keep the peace. But away from school, she's all mine.
So Nealie has a lovely friend, Lily, that we have spent a lot of time with since they were both very small. Nealie started her bully tactics with Lily from early on, growling in her face and sending her crying to her mom. I was hoping that time would fix her intensity, but once again, look at her source(s). Today, we visited our friend to find that Nealie's growling had morphed to shrieking and she still held the ability to send her friend crying to her mom.
Perhaps this is just the nature of children. But I am just as sensitive as Nealie's seemingly grown-up feelings portray. I hate to just sit there and apologize to a crying one-year old. What do you say? "Nealie, I know you probably don't understand but you need to be kind to your friend." Often, I just approach Nealie and remind her to be "gentle" and reinforce with soft touch.
I think that this is my journey as a mommy: to figure out how to deal with Nealie's feelings and energy without stifling it . I don't ever want to teach her that it is not appropriate or okay for her to express herself, but I don't want a kid so off the wall that we're the family that isn't invited to events lest Nealie takes all her clothes off and cusses out the party!!! :)
2 comments:
It's such a hard age because the comprehension/vocabulary just isn't there. It sounds like you're doing a great job! Intense kiddos can be tough!
As a mom to a rather "expressive" child myself I struggle with the same thing... It's nearly impossible to teach sharing and all the little lessons we thought kids just learned by osmosis. She'll get it and so will Corben. Don't worry too much I certainly understand and no one judges and looks down on you for it!
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