My Take on Dogs

I am very proud and excited to share that I have returned to the wonderful world of dog owners! Daciana has been home since the 7th of November and is integrating into our lives very well. I must admit, I have missed being a part of the "Dog World" (yes, it exists). I love being a part of the baby world -- more specifically, I LOVE being a part of Nealie’s world. When I meet other moms at the playground, we don’t start chatting each other up about our children. However, that has always been my experience with other dog owners; there is just this bond that emanates between two people who have wet-nosed, furry companions.

So I have a pet peeve. The #1 comment that I have been receiving from the passersby who ogle at my puppy is: "Are you going to breed her?" Huh? Really? It's like the dreaded "When are you guys going to have more children" question. Perhaps I relate the two because both answers are the same: NEVER. I know that people ask these questions because I have a gorgeous, wonderful daughter and a sweet, fluffy puppy. I just get frustrated, probably because I have wavered on both issues.

I was talking with some friends the other day and I was very excited because Daci had only gotten up twice during the previous night. I told them that I thanked Nealie for teaching me about sleepless nights so that I was willing to get up with my puppy. This might sound silly, as a friend commented, that a baby has prepared me for a puppy, but it’s true. I got Kado when I was 18 or 19 and, when he woke up whining to go out, I refused and then got mad when I woke up to his accidents. So a friend made the comment that the difference between a dog and a baby is that you can get rid of the dog.

OUCH.

Over the years, I have owned a few dogs and it hurts my heart that I have been guilty of treating them as dispensable. I have this idea that dogs are a part of the family, but if that is so, then why are they thrown by the wayside so often? Having Nealie in my life has given me the wonderful gift of knowing that TODAY is the most important day, and that I am not too busy to focus on those most important to me.

Thanks Nealie.

Lions and Tigers and Nealie, OH MY!

Okay, okay, probably a pretty dramatic title, but that's kind of what I've felt like the last couple of days. The thoughts that have come to mind are as follows: "What were you thinking?" "Way to add MORE to your plate!" and "You didn't want another baby so you got ANOTHER BABY!!!"

So, I had this English Mastiff named Kado. I LOVED that dog and hoped he would live to 100. Although I knew this was unrealistic, I was devastated when he was taken by cancer just one week past his 6th birthday. AND, to top it off, I was 5 months pregnant at the time.

Curtis and I set into motion the five year plan: no major changes for five years. We agreed to stay in our little, 740 square foot apartment until I was done with school and then we would buy a house get ONE ("And only one," he says with conviction) dog. Ha. Ha. Ha. 11 months later our little apartment was all packed up and I had put a hefty deposit down on Lassie.

Let's fast-forward to this last Friday. After eight weeks of torture (I'm not sure how I made it through a whole pregnancy!) I was finally going to be united with my new puppy. We picked up Daciana ("little wolf") at 9:30 am and were blessed to have an afternoon to devote to her, Nealie-free. I brought Nealie home from school later that afternoon and they were immediate best buds. Really, it was a great first day.

Reasons to get a puppy: they're cute, you get to let them grow up with you and your family and will only have your "isms," it is very rewarding to train and bond with a dog from early on.

Reasons to NOT get a puppy: she herds Nealie and me, she nips at us as she herds, she chews on EVERYTHING, she chases the cat, she hates the idea of a collar and leash and screams as if you are beating her if you reach for it, she's pretty sure all small children are puppies and all adults are evil, every noise is terrifying, other dogs are bad news, the sleep deprivation is getting to me...

I remember having some similar feelings about Nealie a few months ago. No was a very commonly used word and I begged for time away from her. I figure having a baby has prepared me for the necessary patience and sleep depravity that is required here. But that doesn't make it easy.

So, before sounding like a pessimistic patsy, I'd like to inject a note of gratitude:
Daciana is a lovely puppy. She is pretty easy to redirect, she's getting the potty training thing pretty quickly, she ADORES our family, she's taken to her crate and even goes there for naps when Nealie's awake, she's one of the more mellow puppies I've been around...

Babies are a lot of work, regardless of their species. I am totally stoked to have this puppy, even if I feel like I'm just stuffing toys in her mouth long enough so she won't chew on Nealie or the couch or...

Number one thing that I am grateful for today is that I have the end apartment so I just have to get up and walk out the door to let the puppy outside. Now THAT is a miracle!!!

Trick-Or-Treat!

Nealie has officially gone Trick-Or-Treating! Spider Nealie and her friend, Cowgirl Princess Lily, bounded down the sidewalk and ran up to lighted porches with almost no reservations. The girls clearly displayed their personalities: Lily would shyly take a piece of candy after a bit of coaxing, while Nealie seized the opportunity and took MANY pieces of candy. Nice cover, Lily!

It was a lot of fun, but I was grateful that we only had to go one block! Here's to yet another Halloween with our beautiful daughter. I try to remember every day what a miracle she is and how much joy she brings to our lives.

I wonder if she'll still fit in this costume next year... Even if she could, I'm sure a 2 1/2 year old will have her own ideas.

:)

We Made It!

This last month has been such a whirlwind! But here we are, in our new place and loving it! I had a lot of general fears that the place wasn't good enough and that we were downgrading. When we got our stuff in, I was actually stoked for the apartment's shortcomings: this place has a smaller bathroom and WAY smaller kitchen, but those were the areas of the house that I could never keep clean in the old place!

Poor baby Nealie. So much transition, so little time. We moved into this place while our lovely and courageous friend Rebecca (mother of "twin" 3-year olds) took Nealie for the day. By the time she came home, her room was together and she had no problem falling right to sleep. The next bit of Nealie's transition comes this Friday: Nealie will be moving up to three days a week at the Family Development Center. We plan on having her up to five days a week by the summer so we figured, since Mommy needs more homework and personal time, we'll just move her up now.

Lately, Nealie's been doing a whole lot of yelling. When she's happy, mad, sad... I'm sure it's hard to not be able to express yourself through words, but the yelling sure is hard on me. It's the hardest thing ever, being a Mommy without all the answers. I'd love to meet Mary Poppins...

My favorite new Nealie word is THANK YOU, which is always said as she gives ME something. Such a generous girl!

Nobody WANTS to go to Urgent Care

No pictures. No videos. Just facts. Today, Nealie had a cold. An icky cold. That seemed to get worse and worse as the day went on. By 6 pm, Nealie was tugging at her ears and hair and was pulling and rubbing at her nose. I just wanted Nealie's little sinuses to feel better. So I called my mommy to find out if there was anything more that I could do for her. She said she would recommend calling my pediatrician's office for the nurse to find out what to do next. The nurse said she was afraid Nealie might have a sinus or ear infection. We went to Urgent Care.

To paint a good picture of what we were going through, Nealie has basically never been sick. Aside from the few fussy nights, she is an all-around LOVELY baby. So, when she is miserable and snotty and overall crummy-feeling, we kinda take it seriously.

Diagnosis? Nealie has a low-grade fever, a cold and -- ready for it? -- FOUR MOLARS COMING IN AT THE SAME TIME. Poor Nealie.

Now we just have to suck it up as the bills come in for our new place, our new puppy and OUCH! our Urgent Care visit. At least it takes them forever to bill people...

Ah, the craziness...

Amidst plans to move, puppy hunting, homework and general exhaustion, we have even found the time to come together as a family. This chaos has actually been a wonderful experience and I am grateful to go through it with such a kind and loving husband.

I am away for about three nights a week now and I usually spend much of Saturday at school studying. Daddy steps it up and takes care of NeNe. I decide that I am ready for a dog and Curtis decides he's ready for some storage space. When I find the perfect apartment days later (hahaha?), I only receive monetary groans from Curtis before he jumps on board. "I want a big dog, I want an aussie, I want a greyhound, I want a...." Curtis is annoyed with my struggles regarding this issue, especially since we are not getting a dog until December! But, when I find the perfect dog, (http://c.websiteanimal.com/#/soldpups/4522286336) he pitches a fit about the cost only for a moment before saying, "That's your Christmas present, then."

And Nealie? Nealie talks and talks and gives us a run for our money. New words this week include shoes, bubbles, thank you (maybe...), and here you go (maybe...). Her hair seems to be growing out blonder and blonder and the back jumps up into the cutest little curls.

I couldn't have wished for a better turn-out -- my family's the best. If I had written the script I would have left the best parts out.

Nealie's Video Debut

All right, folks. There are two videos here. The first one is mainly for the hardcore Nealie fans and those overseas. The second is just a few moments of Nealie making fun of her Daddy, which is totally one of our favorite things to do! Enjoy! So here's the first (this took FOREVER to upload!):

And here's the second:

Random Thoughts

Nealie. Separation anxiety? Teething? Intense. We've had a lot of excitement around here and I know that I probably have a bit to do with the anxiety. School starts next week and I can't wait. I know that I should feel content just raising Nealie, but I crave more. For some reason, I don't feel like I'm contributing if I'm not working, and no matter how many times you tell me that motherhood is more than a fulltime job, I still feel like I'm not bringing a whole lot to the table. So I'm stoked for school to start.

Then, a few of my mommy friends are pregnant with their second's. Others are looking at the possibility. I am not. We've been all over the fence regarding this one but the facts are clear: the husband had a vasectomy, so unless there is some kind of crazy act of GOD, there will be NO number 2. My feelings of sadness are more related to feeling left out of the future conversations with my mommy friends, fears of them "outgrowing me and my crazy OLDER KID." But I don't take these ladies home and, at the end of the day, I'm grateful that we just have our one. We look forward to traveling with her, being able to put her in any extracirricular classes that she desires to try, and really being able to feel like we've given her everything we can.

We also are on the five-year plan. If you haven't heard of this yet, this might make you giggle, as I have not EVER been able to stick to any timeline (for example, I was supposed to start trying to get pregnant in December and actually did in October!). Our five-year plan consists of me going to school and being with Nealie. It does mean that I have to stay in an apartment that (*sigh*) doesn't allow dogs or any other pets, aside from Meeshka the wonder cat, but overall, it's a pretty sweet deal.

The point is that our five-year plan DOES NOT include multiple children. We financially can squeak by with ONE. And I am grateful to be given this opportunity, which many women would give anything for -- I get to spend Nealie's first five years totally nurturing and loving her, aside from the homework load!

I know this is more for me than it is for you today. It's all about the ongoing journey of feeling comfortable with where I am, in my own skin. Thanks for being my sounding board. :)

The First, But Definitely Not the Last

It happened. The day came. I don't know if I thought I'd be ready, but I wasn't.

Nealie had one of those days, the school told me. She was falling a lot and I noticed a small bump on her head. Nothing serious, just my die-hard, rough little girl. What's more, her nap today was about an hour and fifteen minutes long. Compared to the four hours she usually endures, I should have known we were in trouble.

We got home, had dinner and started getting ready for bed. Nealie started getting silly, running around the house crab-style. I was reading her books. She runs into the kitchen and WHAM! She does a face-plant on the linoleum. She's crying, there's blood, Dad starts freaking out, frantically searching for the tooth.

No, my daughter didn't knock any teeth out of her mouth. Yes, my household just endured our first fat lip. It's pretty difficult holding a cold washcloth to the face of your own screaming child. A lot of Tylenol and smack-down style icing was all I could do. I gave her a bottle filled with cold milk and she went right to sleep.

I think we're gonna try to keep it simple tomorrow...

This is What Trouble Looks Like

So I figured it was inevitable that Nealie would have pretty expressive feelings. I mean, seriously, look at her source(s). To this day, my mom still tells me, "Danica, your emotions are beautiful." So when Nealie throws a full-blown temper tantrum because I won't let her walk down the center of the street (oh, it's happened) or thrown herself onto the ground because I won't let her walk in some places without holding my hand, I just sigh and try to stay calm. It's hard. REALLY HARD.

What can you do? This tiny person that has all these emotions and such an undefined vocabulary -- it just seems unfair. Although at this point, I'm not sure I'd want to hear what she's calling me, because it definitely doesn't sound like Mama. I've been struggling with what to do during these blowouts, other than hold her so she doesn't hurt herself or just let her thrash it out. The fact is that regardless of what I do, we are dealing with two emotional people here.

And what's worse, Nealie can be a bit of a bully. Being the smallest kid in her school (she recently started daycare at UCCS Family Development Center) has not at all phased her. Usually, the other kids call the "littler kids" baby. But Nealie is fearless and perhaps fearable, so no one considers her "little." At school, I figure it's the teacher's job to keep the peace. But away from school, she's all mine.

So Nealie has a lovely friend, Lily, that we have spent a lot of time with since they were both very small. Nealie started her bully tactics with Lily from early on, growling in her face and sending her crying to her mom. I was hoping that time would fix her intensity, but once again, look at her source(s). Today, we visited our friend to find that Nealie's growling had morphed to shrieking and she still held the ability to send her friend crying to her mom.

Perhaps this is just the nature of children. But I am just as sensitive as Nealie's seemingly grown-up feelings portray. I hate to just sit there and apologize to a crying one-year old. What do you say? "Nealie, I know you probably don't understand but you need to be kind to your friend." Often, I just approach Nealie and remind her to be "gentle" and reinforce with soft touch.

I think that this is my journey as a mommy: to figure out how to deal with Nealie's feelings and energy without stifling it . I don't ever want to teach her that it is not appropriate or okay for her to express herself, but I don't want a kid so off the wall that we're the family that isn't invited to events lest Nealie takes all her clothes off and cusses out the party!!! :)

You'll Never Guess What Happened Next!

About a week before we made the trek to Durango for Nealie's wickedly pre-planned birthday weekend, Nealie took her first steps. Of course, she did it while her daddy was at work. She did it with such nonchalance, I almost didn't notice it. Luckily for Daddy, she was nice enough to take a few steps especially for him that evening. Her "baby steps" continued that week, but mostly with her attached to a devoted parental finger in one of her grasping hands.

Her birthday weekend was lovely, filled with AMAZING food from our gracious host, Nana Laurie. The presents ranged from INCREDIBLE to EXTRAVAGANT to RIDICULOUSLY GENEROUS -- Nealie is stoked on her blinging earrings, can't wait to play with her new kitchen, and is overwhelmingly excited every time she plays in her overstuffed red leather rocker with matching ottoman (seriously, it's nicer than OUR furniture!). And when we thought she was the luckiest little lovebug in the world, her Nana came through with the cherry on top -- a beautiful Britax Marathon Convertible Car Seat! Seriously, this baby has it GOOD! :)

Monday rolled around and the family from California and Portland and Colorado Springs all rolled up their sleepsacks and scurried on back home (sorry, we hit the Bar-D Chuckwagon, which warrants some goofy cowboy talk). We love our families but it was hardest for us to say goodbye to Daddy, who had to return to the Springs ahead of us for work. We missed him like crazy.

Then it happened. My Mom, Doug, Nealie and I were all hanging out on Wednesday night and Nealie just stood up and started walking! She continued walking from face to smiling face for the rest of the night. It was awesome. But I wasn't sure how to tell her Daddy.

When I told him I could hear the disappointment in his voice. We'd been missing each other like crazy. That's when Mom gave me MY gift. "Tell Curtis I can't drive you home, but I'll help you with gas." That's right, Daddy came BACK to Durango for the holiday weekend. And it's been wonderful, between him riding the amazing trails and the nostalgia of watching the fireworks from Town Plaza with Uncle Ian... It's been incredible.

But we're just about ready to restart our NORMAL lives. We head back to the Springs on Sunday and look forward to our own bed, our seemingly abandoned cat, and our wonderful friends. But, oh, what a vacation.

Uh-Oh!

So we made a point to limit our use of the word NO for fear that Nealie's first word would prove that we were using that dreaded word too much. We utilized many substitutes, mine derived from the Love and Logic teachings of my dear sister and my husband using anything but, due to his insistence that children need a more strict regimen than what is offered therein. The other day, our sweet little monkey child looked up at me and said, "Uh-oh," and laughed. Super. We traded in NO for Uh-Oh! What a first word, huh?

We have also dabbled a little with Baby Sign Language. The first that materialized was "All Done," which started out as what looked like a reverse clap and now is presented by putting both hands straight up and saying, "Duh!" These were followed recently by the elusive "Please" and "Light" which usually means...well...everything.

Returning to verbal communication, the words seem to be pouring in, from "Dada" to "Mommy" to "Cat" to "Ball." Of course, how many of these words have meaning, I don't know. What I do know is that I am excited for the walking, talking version of Nealie. Honestly, every stage is incredible!

Oh, I wish she could just stay this age forever!

Vomit. Gag. Vehement defiance. Ugh.

I know this might seem like a rather strong response to such a sweet question, but I guess I have the same response to this as the age-old: "Aw, you got sober so young! Now you have the rest of your life ahead of you! That's so wonderful! You're so lucky!" Yeah, I get it. It's fabulous. She's amazing. There will never be another day quite like this one. But some days, honestly, thank God.

Let's start at the beginning. Nealie was born on June 29th at 10:46 am, after 6 hours of rather rushed labor. She arrived exactly one month ahead of schedule and was delivered right into the arms of one of the most neurotic mamas I know. We were stoked to be granted permission to take her home the next day and were blessed to have my mama who has a ridiculous amount of baby knowledge under her acutely accessorized belt. Everything was scary, from showers to feedings to sleeping to peeing... I simply followed the lead of the hand and voice of experience.

I spent much of my time wondering if she knew who I was or if she even recognized me. It seemed unimportant who held her and I only felt important because I was the "milk-machine." I yearned for the day when she would reach for me and say, "Mama!" She slept all the time and I couldn't wait for her to play with me. I dreamed of the day that she entertained her dad and I wanted to watch his eyes light up when he told me about what they did together.

She got a little older and she started to recognize me, somewhat. I couldn't wait for her to sit up on her own rather than constantly being propped up against the couch. I wanted her to eat real foods and spit them out or thoughtfully show enjoyment.

She continued to grow and she began playing more during tummy time. She started to use noises to communicate with me and I began to pinpoint the meanings of some of them. She ate solid foods and enjoyed most of them. She played in her johnny-jump-up and smiled. I couldn't wait for her to crawl to me, I still anticipated the moment when she would say my name and smile.

Which, slowly but surely brings us to now. She crawls everywhere, often chasing me or the cat, she pulls up on everything and surfs from us to the couch to the coffee table... She climbs everything and is currently in the search for an escape route up and out of her crib. She eats everything with a plethera of responses from pleasure to disgust, and she illustrates her feelings by clapping or flailing. She cries out "MaMaMaMa," but nothing discriminate and definitely nothing with a smile. I dream of the days that she will walk to me and talk in sentences and stay awake for more than a couple of hours. Although I do enjoy the connection that breastfeeding has brought, I can't wait to wean! And if she'd just stick to sleeping through the night...

My point is this: I adore Nealie but I wouldn't I have wanted to exhaust myself through these moments more than once. I am grateful to be where I am today with my amazing, growing girl and I look forward to future events -- those are my favorite!

Damn You and Damn that Vacuum!

Nealie is now more mobile than ever; she pulls up on everything, attempts small steps and crawls faster than Meeshka, sometimes. I came home yesterday and our babysitter informed me that Nealie seemed to have hit her head on the coffee table but didn't seem to notice. We knew the day was coming, since the table is made of granite. Our idea was to line the coffee table with pipe insulation and duct tape so that she would, quite literally, bounce off if she came into contact with it.

When she discovered her "new toy" today, she spent a good half hour circling and pulling up to standing. I started doing some chores around the house while keeping her well in my sites. Or so I thought. Although Nealie had gone around to the side of the coffee table that was adjacent to the couch, she hadn't returned for a few minutes. I ventured over, and an angelic face smiled up at me. Figuring she was fine, I sat down on the couch and began conversing with the explorer. After running her fingers across the floor a couple of times, she lifted her sweet little fingers to her lips. There it was: a slobbery piece of pipe insulation!

For the terrified and appalled individuals reading this, we definitely did not line the coffee table with fiberglass insulation. It is made of foam, the same material the ones in Babies R Us are made of. But, I still wasn't too excited about my daughter eating it! Creating a rather demanding fish hook with my finger, I scooped the small piece out of her clenched mouth (must have Curt's jaw...) and threw it in the garbage.

Of course, now I was concerned that there might be more pieces left over from the construction the night before. I scooped up Nealie, who would rather run from me than be held at this given moment, and deposited her into her ExerSaucer. Then, I brought out the vacuum to complete the job at hand. I have vacuumed since Nealie was born, often holding her or placing her in that same play device, but Nealie is...changing. She has started to experience emotion in a way only a very dramatic woman would understand -- as I do:). I started the vacuum and what happened next took me by surprise. Nealie's face turned to one of absolute horror and fear. Gaping silence was all her face expressed. I turned off the vacuum and reassured her that everything would be okay. I tried again. And again. And again, every time with the same results.

Eventually, I got half of the living room vacuumed while holding her and chanting, "Everything's okay, it's going to be all right." But what do I know? All I can do is try to share the same safety and comfort that was provided to me as a child. Luckily, we get to start with small challenges, like vacuums.

Round and Round We Go

Nealie woke up today from her afternoon nap with a shout. Just one, but clear enough to say, Get me NOW! I brought her directly into the living room where she immediately began exploring, crawling and climbing. I instructed Curtis to entertain her while I finished some homework. Nealie disagreed with my decision, which she made clear through flailing complaints at my feet. There was obviously nothing left for me to do but succumb. I abandoned my deficient homework and slid down onto the floor, alongside my newly grinning daughter.

After exercising her mommy mountain climbing techniques she soon found something more interesting nearby to play with: a crumpled piece of notebook paper. I watched as Nealie as she became engrossed in the piece of paper, no longer concerned about the whereabouts of her mother.

A few minutes later, she headed back towards me, but took a hard left around the coffee table and started crawling towards the entertainment center. This was followed by another hard left towards the couch, and then another and another... I watched in disbelief for a few moments as my daughter began, slowly but surely, circling the coffee table. She would pause when she was catercorner from me, peek under the coffee table, and giggle. When she would get to my side of the coffee table, I kept expecting for her to forget the actions that made her the dizziest 9-month old in town. Surprisingly, she would just continue around and around, without pause or consideration of anything around her. After about fifteen circulations, I decided to crawl around the table with her. This seemed to break the spell; she sat down and waited for me to finish my round, laughed and climbed up onto me.

The questions that follow this interesting escapade are: Does Nealie follow in her A.D.H.D. father's footsteps? Does she really have that much energy? Are we even going to be able to catch her when she starts running (because, really, isn't walking out of the question?)?

Either way, I feel blessed every day to experience something new with our amazing, little Nealie.